Yet Untitled 132 - Things to Live By...or Not
From a man of quiet ‘no’s and very loud ‘yes’s.
Dearest Yet Untitler,
In this past week, someone told me that I’m a bit extreme when it comes to adopting rules to live by. What I think they meant was this: when I adopt a perspective or take up a practice, I go too far in how fast and how fully I embrace it.
To the person telling me this (given the impassioned way in which they told it to me), it was clearly a bit of a problem! So I found myself thinking about it, as I’m given to when an utterance affects me. Remember these old YUs from the attic?
Both these installments emerged from utterances that ruffled me. How ruffling were they? Enough to lead to juicy YU installments, for sure! Sharp U\utterances are fantastic triggers (as are punches, I discovered)!
Now, for this utterance about me and my ways - it threw me a bit, but only because there is truth in it. I am definitely a proper adopter. When I encountered Bullet Journaling, I put in the hours to watch the videos, make the indices, number pages in notebooks without page numbering; really threw myself in. When I started practicing Iyengar Yoga, I signed up for three 6am classes a week and did my darnest not to miss them. When I started practicing Nichiren Buddhism, I did my best to include the various aspects of the practice in my life every day from the start.
That said, the self-reflection triggered by the said utterance did suggest that while I may be a sincere adopter, I’m not a pathological joiner. There’s a lot I’ve said ‘no’ to - to so many things that seemed to make ample sense to others but not to me.
One instance comes to mind, from when I came to Cambridge University for my Masters’ degree. During fresher’s week everyone and their proverbial mothers were joining the Cambridge Union, the prestigious debating society (and “members’ club”) that everyone joined not only for the love of debating but also for getting themselves into a network of influential people. That’s fine, but it wasn’t for me. Having just come from St. Stephen’s college where I had been the secretary of the debating society, I had tasted that sauce and was looking for something else. I said ‘no’, really impressing one of my old schoolteachers when he visited me in Cambridge, causing him to utter “You really have this place by the b**ls!”.
It’s a validation that stayed with me.
Thinking about it, I’ve said ‘no’ to so many things where my decisions have perplexed or puzzled people, including myself. Why did I not invest in particular relationships that could obviously have been beneficial in some way, perhaps for my career? Why did I not walk through a door which others felt I should have walked through? To me, the answer is consistent - it didn't feel right. I wonder if some of those decisions may have been unwise, but I’ll never know. All I know is that my then self went with what they felt and I think they were the better for it.
Sigh.
Perhaps life would have been easier had I walked through some of those doors, but I think I was listening to an instinct that told me where I’d be happier.
Of course, I’m talking about times when I had an actual choice, not about when circumstances forced me to choose. It those two-roads-diverged-in-a-lonely-wood kind of situations - that’s where the fun beings. I’m calling it ‘fun’ now, but a lot of those instances were riddled with self doubt, but the fun was arriving at the point where the clearest thing I could discern was my own instinct; and then going with it.
Yes, there was drama…
..so much so that I clearly remember each decisive ‘no’ as much as I remember my resounding ‘yes’s’ to certain things. Looking at them together makes me look in awe at the fantastic interior drama of my life - a darkened theatre with its one enthusiastic spectator - me! Thrilling - to have participated in such a production!
Returning to the intent of this installment - with this little bit of digging, I give myself some reassurance that I’m not merely some pathological rule Nazi, but someone given to acting on things that make sense to me. I’m glad to have shown such trust in my compass and I’m grateful to have been a navigator who’s been able to steer his ship in the direction of their chosen star.
How’s that for drama?
Inspiration
Some things I’ve said a big ‘yes’ to (covered in YU 038) are what I would call ‘inspired choices’.
Inspiration. A word that alludes in one of its meanings to the breath we draw so we may live.
I’m very enthusiastic about inspiration.
Perhaps it’s how animated I am in my enthusiasm that - in a world where almost everything is ‘sus’ - makes people consider whether there’s something wrong with me in the way I act on my affirmative choices.
My enthusiasm is akin to Ananya’s enthusiasm when she sees a bowl of Chocs placed in front of her. Unfiltered. Perhaps, in the world out there, ‘unfiltered’ is ok for kids and ‘sus’ in adults.
For me, enthusiasm is a natural companion to conviction, and in my mind, conviction makes me itch for sort of action. Else, conviction would remain an unexpressed, trapped potential energy, eventually coming to a boil inside a sealed vessel. My stovetop moka pot with its violent spluttering - spewing hapless coffee into the flames below - warns me of what that unreleased pressure could do.
Well, that accounts for my animated enthusiasm in the face of things I feel convinced about. Perhaps my towering enthusiasm wrongly conveys to others that I’m overly enthusiastic about anything and everything, but I know this isn’t true. Perhaps the speed at which I embrace things that make sense to me is sometimes perceived as knee-jerk or uninvestigated. This too I can understand.
To me, each practice/perspective I embrace feels like something I had been waiting for my entire life! The quickness of the decision comes from having sought and not found first. I’ve been busy, dear Yet Untitler, all my life, running into walls. Haven’t we all? This is a good moment to send me your thoughts if you have any.
Having sought and not found accounts for the string of ‘no’s’ in my life before the definite, undeniable ‘Yes’s. Perhaps because there was no animated enthusiasm accompanying the ‘no’s, they went unnoticed and the dances I did when I said ‘yes’ got all the scrutiny.
Did I tell you that I am a wild dancer. I’d wager that if you saw me hittin’ it, you’d stop and notice 😁💃
Did I tell you I married Vani within four months of meeting her? This, too, was an inspired choice and not an impulsive one. I know it because I know how an inspired choice feels - it feels undeniable. Right.
Did I tell you that I danced like a madman at our wedding? I know from the way I danced that the choice was undeniably an inspired one.
Vani, to me, felt undeniable. The biggest and loudest ‘Yes’ of my life.
Don’t tell her. She’ll make a face.
Did I ever tell you these things?
If I didn't, there you are. You now know me as a man of quiet ‘no’s and loud ‘yes’s. A sincere thank you to the one who uttered the triggering utterance to me. I love you.
Thank you for listening!
Lots of love,
V