Yet Untitled 144 - Letter from the Cusp

An Epistle to my Pre-Teens

Dearest Yet Untitler,

“Adolescence” is a loaded word today, and as it approaches our household in not one but two relentless and speeding vehicles, I am not without trepidation!

There are times, when faced with certain behaviours from my 11 year olds, I wonder - is it already here? Then, I see - a need, a vulnerability, an expression, an interest - that tells me that we’re not quite there yet.

I find this in-between zone, this place of waiting - a bit precarious. I feel a little like that polar bear on the melting iceberg. My experiences in ‘the cusp’ have been occupying my head this past week and I’ve been wondering how I can express these things in this space in an interesting way.

There’ve have been enough mood episodes - shouting, screaming, rebellion, sulking - to load up the inner clouds with ample thoughts and feelings that could rain down on this page as a poem. But I want to challenge myself this week and try something different.

Remember this one above 😄?

I feel like writing a letter to my girls, because I don’t think I’ve done very well in my response to the changes that I’m seeing in them. I’ve been reacting, realising only in retrospect that I could perhaps react less and be more supportive. There are a lot of thoughts swimming in my head. Better get to it.

Here it is, for wherever it’s worth. I’ll call it…

A Letter from the Cusp.

Dearest A and A,

Every year I think to myself - I like your size right now. It’s perfect. You both should simply stop growing at this point.

Of course, we know that isn’t happening!

So, what to do?

In my head I know I have great things to look forward to. One day I will hang out with your adult selves. I’m dying to talk to you about the things you’ll find exciting as 25-year-olds. I’m looking forward to you both showing me around two different university campuses, or telling me excitedly about some grown-up thing you’ve learned, a book you’ve read or someone you’ve met.

I’m sure we’ll get to some version of these things eventually. For the moment, I’m dealing with how it makes me feel to see you both shed the skins of the people I’ve know and loved till now.

I know it happens. It happened to me too. That I could handle. But to tell you the truth, I don’t think I was prepared to see it happen to you. Growing up was an unknown land to me. By the time I realised this, I was already lost in it. Perhaps you’re beginning to feel a little lost yourselves. Maybe you’re disappointed that things aren’t as simple as you’d imagined. You know what? - it’s kind of the same for me. I didn’t realise that being your parent was going to have all these twists and turns. Just when your mom and I thought we had it figured!

Let me clarify - none of this is your doing. Thinking about it, I realise that it’s not much different than finding oneself in the middle of winter and feeling cold. We are experiencing one of life’s inevitable seasons. Not just you as growing young ones but your mom and I as growing parents too.

Let me clarify another thing. Even though your mom and I are madly in love with your child selves, and always will be (for one, our phones will never let us forget them) - I know we will be madly in love with your adolescent selves as well. While I may not have the best words right now to describe it, there’s an essence to you both that will always be alive in whatever form you both take. And your mom an I will always be in love with that aspect of you. It was there for us to see the moment you slid out into the world, something we’ll never be able to forget even if we tried.

I want you to know this, my sweethearts: whatever we may be experiencing seeing you both change, I’m sure it’s nothing compared to how these changes must be making you both feel. Know that I see this. I also shudder a bit remembering how growth in these years felt like speeding train where the scenery on the other side of the window was a blur.

But you mom and I see you both clearly even as you’re moving. And we’ll never let you feel lost. That much we can promise you.

I’m sorry that this letter started out sounding like it’s all about me. But it isn’t. It’s really about you. You’re the ones undergoing that fantastic metamorphosis with so many energies surging through your bodies and minds. I want to enjoy watching this supernova. It feels stupid now to fear it.

I promise I’ll do better. You do what you need to. Scream. Shout. Slam some doors. Hate your best friend only to love them again in a few days. Defy. Push out against yourselves. And us. Your mom and I are watching over you. And don’t worry. There’s always an extra serving of Dark Chocolate Sea Salt ice cream for us (and some Tequila) for when we need to calm our jangled nerves.

This is one season of many for us to enjoy together.

Love you always and in your every form

Baba, Dada, Flof, Flip, Plop, Daddy Kinzuous etc etc (on his and Mummylicous, Momo, Mummack etc etc’s behalf as well)

Thanks for listening, dear YUer. This was only possible because I know you’re listening.

Lots of love to you too

V

Drop me a line and wish me luck? 😂

And…

Also…