Yet Untitled 125 - "There is profound meaning in this"
A ricocheting sentence and a film market
Dearest Yet Untitler,
“There is profound meaning in this.”
A fellow Buddhist said this to me a few days ago when I shared that I was struggling against something that life had thrown at me. His words were soothing, but I wondered whether they’d mean anything more than temporary relief.
Over the coming days, I attended a big film industry networking event in Goa after a hiatus of five years. Over the days I was there, my Buddhist friend’s words lingered, bouncing around at the back of my head like an echo that was defying the laws of physics by not going away.
Here’s a short diary or events in Goa with my friend’s words ricocheting around my brain.
I wasn’t planning to go. But I wanted to…
First, the accreditation came my way for free (it’s expensive). Then, on the flight there, an eminent film director politely asked whether I would swap seats with him - his business class seat for my economy - so he could sit with a friend. All I could say in response was “Someone’s rolling out a red carpet for you, ya dufus. Don’t ask questions and get yer tux out from the moth-balls.”
I picked a hotel 20 minutes from the event venue, to get to which I had to walk along an avenue full of magnificent trees. My last instalment was about trees watching me as I made my way through the last twenty years of my life.
Here they were again. Watching.
“There is profound meaning in this.”
Someone called out to me…
…in the lobby of the hotel where the networking event was taking place. A lovely producer who I have kept in touch with for twenty years walked up to me and introduced me to her actor companion as the “best writer/director in India”. Her friend the actor - American, jet lagged and disoriented - tried to initiate a conversation while I tried hard to suppress my anxiety about being late for an event I needed to be at. As I was suspended in equilibrium between forces pulling me in various directions. I was suddenly hit by a vivid memory of the amazing red sari my producer friend was wearing when I had met her 20 years ago, at a time when I was as definitely not the best writer/director in India but had arrived in Mumbai completely convinced that I would become just that. I remember that in her sari, my producer friend had looked like someone who had come to the city with no lesser dream. Whether she and I had come any closer to achieving our respective dreams after twenty years or not, here we were, being kind to each other and taking a selfie with genuine smiles.
“There is profound meaning in this.”
I met a producer I’m very fond of…
In the past, we have spoken about his aging mother every time we met. This time too, I enquired after his mother, and he told me that he had lost her. At a reception hosted by an Indian state eager to invite film business by offering handsome subsidies, he and I talked about the different ways in which we experience the presence of our departed parents: I in my dreams and he through consciously remembering the feeling of her fingers running through his hair. Recalling words that had been said to me just days ago - “There is profound meaning in this.” - I told him: “There is profound meaning in this.”
“There is profound meaning in this.”
An actor I admire called out to me by name…
I was pretty sure we had never spoken but she said that she knew me. When I asked how, she explained a chain of connections that left me very confused. The rest of the day I kept trying to decipher that chain of connection, doubting it, thinking that perhaps she had mistaken me for someone else. Even though she had called me by my name I still wasn’t willing to believe that someone I admire could know me, just like that. I sat with my banal imposter syndrome for the rest of the day, chiding myself for not being able to rise above it, even after twenty years of being in the game. It wasn’t a nice feeling. So I reminded myself:
“There is profound meaning in this.”
The feeling lost its sharp edge.
The actor and I met again later in the evening. We spoke, exchanged numbers and discovered even more connections we had in common than we thought.
I sat in the plane back home…
…and scrolled through various playlists I keep downloaded on my phone. I skipped past the lifeless deep-house and e.d.m I’ve become accustomed to hearing and listened to the soundtrack of a cult-classic American indie film with a deeply moving acoustic soundtrack instead…
…feeling every chord of the singer-songwriter cornucopia that followed.
“There is profound meaning in this.”
I’m in a taxi heading home…
…having landed back in Mumbai after the event, thinking about how my fellow Buddhist’s encouragement - his impulse and determination to help me navigate my difficulties and become happy - coloured my days in its wake.
My Uber driver is a nice, helpful guy; chatty, positive. On his phone’s home screen, there’s a photo of him lying on his sweetheart’s lap. They both have bright smiles on their faces. In the sunlight pouring in through the windscreen, I suddenly see a flurry of dust. He’s opened a packet of chewing tobacco and has poured it in to the space between his lower lip and lower jaw.
I stay quiet for some time. What could I do? Staying quiet felt safer.
But, how would the past days have been had my Buddhist friend not intervened and encouraged me? They would likely have been coloured by the disappointments that had taken me to him instead his warm words of encouragement. So, I speak up:
“Nice photo.”
He answers through a mouth full of tobacco-soaked saliva - Thank you, its from a long time ago.
“Do you get rides easily from (the place where he’s dropping me)?”
Yes, pretty easily.
“You really shouldn’t chew tobacco. You’ll fall sick and it’ll be such a waste.
Silence. I reinforce my courage.
“Please don’t mind. I’m just saying because you’re a good guy.
After a moment, he answers, Since you’re saying it with good intentions. I don’t mind. I’m quitting tobacco from today.
“There is profound meaning in this!”
Thanks for listening,
This post is especially dedicated to those of you who have encouraged me in the past and also to those of you who’ll encourage me in the future.
Thanks for being here!
All my love,
V
P.S - Always great to hear from you. Hit reply or hit the button below and hit me up.
And…
First up, Garden State OST is my go to soundtrack even after years. My love for Zach Braff and his taste in music has only grown over the years. The more things change, the more they stay the same. You introduced me to Leonard Cohen and his poetry via a mixed tape as an awkward teenager many many MANY years ago That mixed tape was a portal to an unending love and discovery of many new artists via that! There was and always is a profound meaning. Never got to say thank you to you. As always, your letter fills me with warmth, courage and hope. Very happy to know you and meet you again, in this version of ourselves. There is indeed profound meaning in this. Praying your struggles are resolved to your contentment and lead you to your higher self in the ways they're meant to! Lots of love and great music to you my friend, now and always!
Love the advice from your Buddhist friend. There is profound meaning in this. Anytime we are struggling or frustrated is a chance to polish our lives. Sometimes it's the last thing we want to hear and sometimes it's the best thing we need to hear!